Monday, June 30, 2008

Osprey


I AM SO ANGRY !!!!!!! This is the Oprey family that luive in my front yard. There is Mommy, Daddy and 2 babies. This morning my neighbor found the Mommy dead in her driveway. She was almost back at the nest. She was shot in the neck. Why would anyone kill such a beautiful harmless bird, What kind of low life person would do this. I have watched this nest for months and observe the special life that Osprey share together. I watched these babies from the minute that I could view their lil heads poking up. I am so sad and angry !!!! This is a photo of Daddy and one of the babies. Yesterday afternoon there were 4 sharing the nest and it was so interesting to watch them. The babies have not taken to the air yet for their first flight. What in the Fk is wrong witht peopler

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Morning

SAMHAIN.......Found a new spot to homestead


ERAGON......The Terrible......A mean lil kitty with a small loving streak


HOCUS POCUS... My Sweet lovable Good boy !!!
Quiet weekend here. Y and I went to the yard sales and to lunch yesterday... didn't find much but had a great time . I did find some more nice photo frames for photos of my boys. I can never have enough photos of them. I will never stop missing Salem and I cherish every single photo that I have of him...he will always be my everything. He was my magick and I am lost without him.
Today... I have to get the bills ready to mail on Monday. I also must groom this place. Monday afternoon the Direct TV Tech is visiting to reset my dish because I am only getting half of the stations. The ones that I watch the most are missing, of course.
I am really dreading next week but I know that I have to get this thing out. I try to keep my mind on positive things and not on the what ifs. Yet I am pretty scared and worried.


Thursday, June 26, 2008

At last

Well, Jessica who has my short fuze but not as short as mine had to call the doctor's office. I could not !!!! They called me but it sure sounded like they had placed my folder under a stack of books. Still not carved in stone with a bunch of ifs... if we can get the operating room & if this & if that !! I was satisfied cause I DON"T WANT TO GO !!!! It was the rush, rush, rush... the Doctor scared me with and then the nothing. Anyway... this morning the hospital called with the dates... Pre Op on July 1 and operation on July 3rd. Looks like the only fireworks that I shall see will be from a needle or pill.

Everyone around town is thinking that I am dying... funny thing I only told Y, a few family members, my cats, and the 3 others that I work with. Of course my blog, which not many read and none from around here anyway. People that I know and have never seen before in the store stop by to look at me. I must be good for business. My Mother has me just about dead and wants me to let her handle my money (what money.. my lil retirement check?). I am trying to stay positive and worry about getting this thing out first & then deal with cancer if it is there.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

And I am STILL Waiting

I am now turning into the Subborn Bitch that I can sure be & it is suiting me soooo well !!! I have been sitting by this Fking phone for 3 days now and waiting for the damn call from the Doctor's office so I can plan the rest of my life. Friday during my appointment everything was rush.. rush...rush to get this damn thing outta me and if I had plans tooooo bad they had to be cancelled. So I leave outta of there scared to death and with the final words... we will call you with the dates for tests & the operation. WELLL>>>>>>> I SIT & I WAIT and I get more stubborn & angry by the second. If I am priority 2 out of 10... I feel sorry for number 3 and the rest !!!

This thing does not hurt me now... so I am getting stubborn enough to say FK IT !!! What the Fk does HUGE mean on a size comparison chart, anyway ???

SOOOOO I STILL know nothing !!!!! Maybe I should just march the 80 miles to the Doctors.. demand my records... cat scan... and all that shit and walk out !! NOOOO, it was impossible for them to even think about waiting a week or 10 days for Jessica's vacation and now look. I hate going to Doctor's anyway !!!! Infact, now I may hate Doctor's.

And maybe the longer I wait... the longer I Live !!! You know I don't even give a rat's Ass about this operation !! And if I have to call them.. as I sit biting my tongue.. I will surely have to find another Doctor because I will be so damn hateful over this waiting just to know a fking date !! How long can it take to call the lab and request the damn PreOP test. Maybe, the Doctor said.. get that crazy bitch outta here.. tell her we will call her & maybe she will get tired of waiting and go some place else. How many doctors will my insurance pay anyway !!

Monday, June 23, 2008

Waiting

Here, I sit and wait for the phone to ring so I will know when I go in for PreOp testing. I need to vacuum and clean this place but I can't because I may not hear the phone. I hate this place messy !!!! I worked this weekend.. was not suppose to via Dr.'s orders but I could not and would not ruin the others weekend when we only have 4 of us and 2 working the weekends.. this way we all get 2 weekends off a month. Working keeps my mind off of me. Not sure how things will be when I have to be off. The girls are saying that they will pull my hours and not to worry. I hate them having to do this. I know this is the busiest time for us & with the 4Th of July weekend.. which I was supposed to work... things will be hectic. I told them that if they have to hire a replacement for me... I will understand.. they say NO... we will hold this job for you. If it gets too much for them... I don't want that but I do appreciate that they want me back. So I worry... each one of them already has 40 hours a week as it is.

The hospital that I have to go to is about 80 miles from here. Jessica is my ride back & forth. Her next vacation is not until July 8Th. She is Assistant Manager at Kohl's but she has a real bitch of a manager over her that is never understanding. Problems could be created. I worry.

My Grandkids are in tears.. because Jessica told them that if I feel too bad that I can not watch them . I don't want them upset and worrying.

Me, I have spells where I worry and cry and want to crawl in a hole and I try to occupy my mind and not read any medical info on the internet.

I like my doctor.. she seems nice enough. We laughed & joked some together. She has 10 operations already scheduled and she placed me as number 2 because number 1 must be done asap. She said that thing has to come of me asap because it is so huge. She has very well noticed that I hate to go to doctors.

My Mom and her crew have me declared almost dead. She is like talking to the Grim Reaper. I try to avoid her. My Sister and niece keep her informed that they have researched on the internet and have the facts.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Off I Go

Spent Wednesday night in the ER.... after all the tests.. the doctor found a HUGE tumor on my ovary that is crowding my bladder. I only have 1 ovary because in the late 80s.. i had tumors that were removed the size of grapefruits. Those pale in comparison when compared to this one. I have an appointment today in Richmond which is about 80 miles from here to meet with a specialist. I must have this thing removed ASAP because of the effect on my bladder and the size of this thing. They are calling it ovarian cancer. So the operation will be scheduled very soon. Not sure how long I will be in the hospital but I am sure that I will hate it. I had a doctor in ER that was a young female version of House...she put the fear of the Goddess in me for sure !!!! In a strange way I liked her but the lectures.She put in my discharge papers.... you have 2 days & no more to see this doctor which I have talked to and set you up with.... you have 2 weeks to have the operation... you can not return to work. After 10 hours in ER and so many test.. I left with a perscription for pain killers and the fear of the Goddess in me.

Jessica took me to the ER. The doctor kept drilling me as to why I had not seen a doctor for this and that it was very noticed that something was wrong. Well Jessica set the tone for young female Dr. House by saying.... that I hate doctors.

The specialist and the hospital are rated the best in this area for this. I hope they are.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

School is out for Summer

Yeppers.... schools out for summer here starting at noon today. I will be watching the grandkids. I know they will be bored here with me & the cats. It has and will be 99 degrees here for a few days. Tis very hot outside !!!!!! I manage to keep more than busy with the grandkids, working, serving the cats and other things. My boys are stretched out on the floor absorbing the AC. No window watching for them today. The roof is being replaced on the building here. Lots of banging around over head and shingles flying. They started yesterday. Last week we had severe Tstorms and Twister warnings just about every night. We had some pretty severe Tstorms.